Avoiding Scales

Ok, I haven't entered my morning weights in my diet log for the last few days, because of the "break" I took to eat Oreos and ice cream. I got back into the gym last night to do spinning, which felt much better following the last few days of rest. Maybe the Advil I took 1/2 hr before the class helped too. I also brought in my iPod Mini with the rubberized in-ear headphones. I just think it's so cool to ride with the headphones, just like the pros warming up before a time trial. Also, I can listen to much more motivating music than the same old spinning remix discs the instructor brings in each week. I listened to the first two Pretenders albums. I know I got in a much better workout to it, than without it. I'm doing it again tonight.

Took A Few Days Off

A friend came in to town, and we screwed around and had a great time. It was a great opportunity to rest, since I my chest injury was really bothering me, and my knees were really hurting too. I also also took the opportunity to eat tacos, ice cream, and binge on cookies. I hadn't done that in a long time, and probably wouldn't do it on my own anymore. On Saturday I hit a new low of 84.4 kg, and on Sunday and Monday we ate well :). We made a top sirloin roast, that worked out great, and is meat for days. I'll do this more, and also try pork roast and lamb too.

Ok, back to the gym and hammering in cycling. Oh, I didn't get a lot of sleep either. But, my friend did some serious home improvement work in both my bathrooms. Before, I had a horrible fawcett leak in the tub, and the master bathroom was out of commission with a leaky toilet, no sink, no towel bars, and old light fixture. We got all that done yesterday. Yay!

With the fixed up house, I'm feeling a lot better about things. Next, sell the Porsche and VW, and get a BMW. Wouldn't that be nice.

Will Miss Outdoor Fitness Camp Today

The chest injury is still lingering, and at this point I know better than to continue aggrevating it. As much as I want to do strength training, I'll have to let the injury heal. It's been over a week since I've done a full strength workout. It may even take a few more days of rest. I'm not worried about it. Spinning has been good burning off fat, and I'm still losing weight.

My Tivo finally recorded an episode of Starved, the F/X series comedy supposedly about people with eating disorders. I put it on in the background, as I was getting ready for work yesterday morning, and I wasn't compelled to stop and watch it. It looks like they're trying too hard to make up characters with funny compulsions. It doesn't come off. I just see bad actors, bad writing, and fake compulsions. Real obsessive behaviour is funny, and not just in the shadenfreud sense, but it's not going to come out in every scene. So I'll skip Starved. You'll get more comedy about eating disorders watching Celeb Fit Club 2.

Talking In The Gym

I'm probably incapable of connecting with people anyways, but this problem seems more pronounced at the gym. I can go to the gym for a year, and not talk to anyone. I remember when I used to go to my local gym a few years ago, that I ended up being friendly with 4 people in the course of 2 years. People just don't talk at the gym. I guess people describe themselves as "all business" when they do their workouts. I do find it a little irritating to have a long conversation, when I really want to be hitting a machine. But, I don't share even a nod with most people I'll see more regularly than family members. In fact, these people are my family, my disfunctional family. It used to be that my family was the regulars at the Lucky Lady card room. I guess when you spend about 20 hours a week seated with the same guys, folding a lot of hands, having fun, cracking jokes, you end up talking about everything, except politics. I'd say religion was off-limits too, except with Ukranian Jesus (Vladimir), who was capabile of having a sane discussion about it.

On the other hand, I noticed that we all end up talking and lingering around Outdoor Fitness Camp. It seems to break the social barrier normally associated with exercise. Weird. There's actually a bonding in the group, probably similar to the effect you get with recruits at boot camp. Not like the trainers are drill sergents or anything, but the common experience of straining long-neglected muscles, and getting back to a simplier enviroment seems to bring out the human in us.

Anyway, I hope my chest gets better by tomorrow morning. Otherwise, I'll re-injure it, and end up waiting longer for it to recover.

84.6 kg

Hit a new low this morning. So it's possible to lose weight without weighing everything I eat. Sure, I'm not losing weight as fast in this 2nd month, as I did the first month. In July, I think I lost about 4 kg. In the August, I'll be lucky if I'll lose 2 kg. Oh well, like most things, moving towards my natural weight is exponential (decay).

I'll probably make spinning again tonight. I'm in pain with this chest injury, and it was actually hard to breathe for the first 10 minutes of spinning last night. It also hurts to get in and out of bed. I'm planning to stay away from strength training until Saturday's outdoor fit camp.

Spinning While Injured

I dragged myself to spinning tonight, to get a cardio workout in. I bought a roast chicken to work yesterday, and pretty much finished it in two days. There's a lot of fat in that thing, even though I remove the skin, and try to seperate out the congealed fat, I know it's not very healthy. I felt like I had to burn it off in the gym over the last two nights. Plus I'm eating about 100g of crackers (375 cal) during the day as well.

I made chili today in the crock pot, and looked forward to getting home and trying it out. I've concluded I need a new recipe. Every time I put good ingredients into the crockpot, and look forward to the results, I'm disappointed. The slow cooking process dried out the stew meat, and made everything kind of the same. It's ok. I'll eat it all, then try cooking it over the stove with ground buffalo next time.

Creatine Will Be My Gateway Drug

I bought some creatine at the gym tonight, hoping it'd help with all these injuries I'm picking up. I know I'm overdoing the workouts, and I've heard that creatine helps with recovery, and allows people to workout more. Sounds like exactly what I need. As soon as I ask for it, a trainer comes by to suggest I also take some amino acid supplements. I've heard this elsewhere, but it's hard enough for me to remember to take my other pills, so I figure I'll start out slow, and do one thing at a time.

Remember back when Mark McGuire explained his sudden improvement in power hitting and size, in his late 30's, on an over-the-counter supplement? I think many people bought this explanation, and Twinlabs became famous. I asked the trainers if they thought creatine was responsible for McGuire's results. They kind of demurred, and had to explain to me that those results came from "supplements" they couldn't sell at the gym.

There does seem to be quite a lot of legitamite research on the effect of creatine in improving short-term power output in closely spaced bursts. I think there's quite a lot of objective studies that show there's clearly a performance gain from creatine. And it's a lot cheaper than the "$153/bottle" leptoprin, which doesn't do anything.

84.8 kg @ 26.5% BF

Looking over last week's morning weigh-ins it looks like I did make progress, and probably lost about .4 kg for the week. I can't complain about that. The good part is that I've gotten tired of weighing everything, and now eat according to experience, and to hunger. I will continue to log exercise and weights, but not food.

I feel alot better this morning, as I was completely sore yesterday, everywhere in my body. I could barely sit on the ground and get up again. Of course, I did a workout anyways, and knew I was injuring a chest muscle. Ok, today is definitely rest. Probably. Maybe I'll just go for a long walk somewhere after work.

Oh. And I played a bunch of poker again on Sunday. Ended up around $40 for the day. Had dinner with my friend's family, and chatted about stuff.

If You Can't Spot The Burnout In The First 30 Minutes ...

Yesterday was spent just recuperating from the two morning workouts. Which is my excuse for playing about 11 hours of poker. Right after the workout, I drove out of the unfamiliar area, looking for the first freeway onramp. This turned out to be the southbound interstate entrance, which was the wrong direction. On the other hand, it also heads in the right direction if you're looking for authentic Mexican carne asada and abodaba tacos, which is next door to the seediest poker room in the county. Sounds like a plan. Tacos El Gordo, and the Village Club. Take the H Street Exit in Chula Vista, brush off the high school spanish, and you're there.

The tacos were great, and really hit the spot. The tortillas are hand-made in front of you, and all the ingredients are fresh, compared to the El Pollo Loco franchise across the street. Who the hell would eat there? Los gringos, I suppose. Anyway, I get two carne asada tacos, and a Diet Coke (branded as "Coca Light" internationally). It's a pretty healthy meal, which I figure is about 550 calories or so. It's essentially the way I cook at home, but they use flavour there.

Nothing is better than walking into a card room in the morning, fresh from a good night's sleep, and having the whole day to waste in front of you. I get seated in a $3/$6 Omaha8 game, and as part of the whole Summer 2005 Welcome Back Tour, I get the "Where have you been?" questions. Some people probably start off thinking I found something better to do. Then, after they see me shuffle checks, crack jokes, and play like nothing has happened in the 2 1/2 years since I've seen them, they realise that nothing has happened in the 2 1/2 years since I've seen them.

After some conversations that degenerate into the old people talking about cancer [in the mornings you get the old people; about 5 years ago, the Sunday morning game at Ocean's 11 would typically be composed of 100% WWII Vets and myself], I get called to the $1-$3 No-Limit Hold'Em game. This game is now dominated by the new guard, recently minted degenerates that have instantly fallen completely into the subculture. The guy to my left in Seat 9 talks about the game last night in another casino. His friend is on a 3rd rebuy. The guy in Seat 2 is wearing a button down blue Oxford shirt on a Saturday morning, which means the game has been going all night. I actually start asking "when did this game break last night?" when I immediately answer my own question. The 24-hour look in the guy's hair, and the tell-tale oily skin immediately gives it away to the initiated.

I got up temporarily, by check-raising a guy on the turn when I flopped two pair. The guy overplays his hands, making $40 bets at the pot all the time, and I came over the top, all-in on him. He lays it down, and I win. But, I'm bleeding off chips, and I know the game isn't for me. I ask the floor to put me back in the limit games. Then, a few hands later, I limp in with AKo, like a dummy. I just saw the Ace, and called the $3. Maybe if I looked at both, I would have raised, and got the blinds outs. So the flop i 77x, and it's checked to me. I make a $9 bet at the $15 pot. The little blind calls. Immediately, I'm worried. Turn comes, and I hit my Ace. LB bets $4 into me, which is suspicious, but I have to call. Then, the river hits a blank, and this guys starts counting out chips. He bets $20. Geez. Argh. He traps me perfectly. It sucks. I have to make a crying call, but I know I'm going to lose. I hand him over the $20 personally, and announce I'm going home. He turns over the 7. IGHN.

At a poker table, if you can't spot the burnout in the first 30 minutes, then it's you.

I lost exactly $100 in that game. So, I have to go home, and get online, in the smaller games I feel more comfortable in. By about 11pm, I've won about $200, and I feel much better about my poker game, but I'm also feeling pretty sore. Love those Outdoor Fitness Camp workouts. I decide to stop weighing and restricting my food, and that I need the food to recover from the injuries. Good decision, as this morning I weigh-in at 84.6 kg, after eating and drinking.

First Hamstring Injury

Hooray, I finally got a hamstring injury. It's sore, and I can feel it a little getting up and sitting down. I don't think I've every injured this before, and I'm not sure I know how I got it. I think it happened at Outdoor Fitness Camp this morning, probably from over-exerting myself in the football-type drills. Maybe I shouldn't have killed myself in spinning this morning either. Maybe there is a tomorrow for another workout. Oh well, it'll probably get better soon, and I won't have to miss any workouts.

I really have to drive a better car. I'm pretty embarassed about my '96 Passat. It's a mess. I should really drive the Porsche around, but I feel self-conscious in it. It's for posers. I need to sell it, and get a 2006 BMW 330i. But I'm too lazy to get off my ass. Which hurts.

Will Not Add Up Calories Until Next Day

I think I was undereating a little. I was probably over-caffinating myself, as well. This morning, my weight was back down to 85.2 kg, so the +1 kg spike in the middle of the week is gone, and it all probably had nothing to do with fat, but with water and the digestive track (ahem). I've decided to continue with the reasonable approach, and to eat a little more, and not be paranoid about calories. I'm also trying to drink more water in the day, as well. (Usually, it was all caffinated drinks at work and at home, and 2 litres of water in the gym. Probably not healthy, given that 350mg of caffine in the system is an overdose.)

So, to add even more variables to the weightloss experiment, I'm going to eat what I consider reasonable, weigh it, but only add it up at the end of the day. Before, I'd monitor my calories at night, at try to limit myself to about 2100. Now, I'll eat what I think I should, then add it up when I'm done. I have a feeling it's going to come out to 2500 calories on average. This is probably right, since my BMR is 1930, and my cardio workouts are 1000 calories alone.

Ok, I Panicked

I was tired yesterday, or unhappy with my progress, or something, so I skipped the gym last night, and ate a lot to try to overcome this fatigue. I ended up eating about 2750 calories, which included a bunch of crackers and Cliff Bars. I feel better this morning, and my weight is a little down from yesterday, so maybe I was just undereating. Luckily, I didn't binge on junk food yesterday. I still can't get myself to do it, since I absolutely know it's bad stuff that will not make me feel better. I'd much rather eat the stuff I get from Whole Foods. Until I have my first burger and fries. Then it'll all be over.

Not Panicking

Ok, my weight is up again (86.2kg, following a 84.8kg low Sunday), even following a hard cardio workout last night, and some strength training. I'm eating the same as usual, weighing everything to the gram, trying to keep everything below 2000 calories. The body fat reading on the scale may be moving down a little (it's in the log). I'll keep confidence in the simple mechanics of calories in minus calories out. I may start cooking more vegetables, but otherwise keep to the new, improved plan. I'll start tracking my measurements as well, as soon as I can find a metric tape meausre.

The Dreaded Plateau

Ok, I haven't really moved my average morning weight for about a week now. What's the problem? Probably that I stopped my 5-day a week hard cardio program. I thought I'd go a little slower, and seperate cardio from strength workouts, and workout like a reasonable person. I think I'm going to have to hold off reasonableness until later. Back to maniacal, I think.

So I'll either do spinning again tonight, or do strength followed by 60min hard cardio. Or maybe I'll give reasonable another try.

84.8 kg

Finally broke below 85kg this morning, following an very full Saturday, that included spinning, my first Outdoor Fitness Camp workout, followed by rest-of-the-day indoor fitness camp (the casino). I called up a friend, because I wanted to drop off something at her house. This of course gets negiotiated into a casino trip, and viola', it's cook, eat, shower, drive, gambo, gambo, gambo.

We sat down in a $4/$8 Hold'Em game, and I get up a little, but not much. It was a very lively game, with a Vietnamese guy that liked to raise preflop in seat 4. He was followed a buy quiet but crazy guy in seat 5 that liked to re-raise seat 4, making it $12 to see the flop. In seat 6 was an older white guy who thought he was a better player than these guys because he only plays premium hands. I was sitting in seat 9, taking my time, looking for opportunities.

Of course I make my usual jokes about playing "no-look", and limp-in in position when there are a bunch of preflop callers. Sometimes I did this "no-look", and would announce it. I wouldn't even look at my cards, until I absolutely had to, like if someone bet into me. Otherwise, I might bet blind, if everyone checked. I'd also call raises preflop if I had a drawing hand in the small blind, etc. Anyway, I got ahead by these tactics, since I was getting good odds, and position. After a while, I got ahead about $172. My friend got on tilt, and lost her $100 buy-in, so we picked up.

We walked around the casino, messing around with various house games, to get her mind off poker. We sit at a $5 Casino War game. We both win every hand, get up $30, and cash out. Then we find a $1 Deuces Wild game, put in $10, and play a few hands. We get down a few dollars, then get dealt a Deuce, and two suited cards (I forget the gap). We draw for the straight flush, and hit it. Cash out $15. Up $35 so far in the casino. This cheers her up, so we continue messing around and go to the roulette table. It's very crowded, and standing room only. We decide she'll make five sequential $5 bets on individual numbers. Of course, getting the bet down is quite difficult, since it's a squeeze to even get the nickel on the felt, and to tell the croupier where to place the bet. Anyway, it's kindof fun, watching the wheel, watching the people, and the action. Interestingly, this game only has a single 0 (no 00), so the odds are much better than in Vegas. If you play roulette, you should be here. We're trying to hit a 35:1 shot, where $5 would return $175, but we don't hit anything. It was fun, we played a lot of games, and we're up $10 (actually $5, since I toked the dealers a nickel).

We went to have dinner in the buffet, which is fun, since there's a million types of food to choose from. I get Mongolian BBQ, which is self-serve fresh veggies, chicken, cooked on a huge open grill, without oil. We talk about people, kids, gossip, Celeb Fit Club 2, and we're all pretty cheered up at the end. She wants to go check out the poker room again, but I really don't want to play cards anymore, so I go pick up a Racing Form, and try to bet on horses. I spend about an hour and a half making $1 bets on horses I have no idea about in the sportsbook section. It's pretty boring. I go buy a latte, and just take in the degeneracy. It's pretty crowded on a Saturday night, and I'm wandering around alone with a Racing Form, a pen, and betting slips, like a total degerate. But, I'm just trying to burn off a few calories, so I don't care. It does look pretty bad though. All I'm thinking is I can't wait until I lose another 10kg. Anyway, I'm sitting in the dealer box at the Stud table that has an interest list, but can't get going. Everyone is playing Hold'Em. No other game. Damn televised poker has really changed the scene. Then I feel someone patting me on the shoulder, and it's Sonny, who I saw last week, and he warmly says "hi". He's never done this before. I'm pretty sure it's because he thinks I'm a real degenerate now, since I'm making notations in the racing form, and looking intent, as I decide to make my $3 in bets for the 5th race at Los Alamitos, a 300 yard maiden race. I also talk to Bob, who asks me if I'm now into horse racing.

Anyway, my friend is deep into her game, and I don't want to disturb her, so I finally decide to sit down in a $3/$6 game. I play a few hours, and end up $15 ahead. It's now almost 1am, and finally my friend gets up. She's up $253 at this point (I guess that's about $50/hr), and she looks like the total pro, carrying all her racks to the cage. Like clockwork. 11 hours of clockwork. 11 hours of Indoor Fitness Camp.

Got Outdoors This Morning!

This is a recent first. I hadn't been outdoors in a while. Meaning I haven't been off man-made surfaces, or in a non-commercial location in a few years. That's pretty bad, isn't it? Well, that's the sedentary life in Southern California. Anyway, I made the Outdoor Fitness Camp workout this morning at 9am. Which meant I woke up a 6 am, weighed myself, and immediately started hydrating on 700ml of Coke Zero. I got to the gym by 7am, and I was the 3rd person registered for the 7:15am spinning class. New class, new instructor. This girl is nice, and talks to everyone on a first name basis. The early bird crowd is much more friendly than other classes. I powered out a pretty good workout, and drank an additional 1.5 litres of water on the bike.

I got a sandwich at Starbucks, which had some labelling saying it was 209g and 360 calories. Not likely. If it weighed 209g, it was more likely to be 400 calories. The roll is about 100g, and the chicken salad is the other 200g. Bread is about 2.75 cal/g, and chicken salad is probably 1.5 cal/g. That totals up to more than 400 calories. Compare that to my lunch today of 200g grapes + 195g chicken breast + 18g corn tortilla + 8g cracker = 440 calories.

Anyway, I got to the OFC quite late, because I had trouble finding it. I printed out the directions, and they're sitting here right in the printer tray. I had to call a friend to give me directions, which helped, but it was a little difficult finding the last 200m (I got lost).

The workout was fantastic. The group has the football field to themselves. There's also a pretty good composite track. We did things like throwing 5kg medicine balls over the goal posts, running football-like drills, and did some fun group exercises (called an indian run). I highly recommend it. It costs like $15 USD per session, which is a great bargin for this kind of training. It looks like the session ran much longer than an hour (or they started late). The instructors are very fun. Much better than Celeb Fit Club 2.

Not Too Hungry

I only did 20 min of Stairmaster @ 250W (87% MHR), along with a full strength training workout, and I'm not as hungry as usual. I've eaten about 1300 calories for the day, but I'm cooking up some more ostrich before I go to sleep.

There's some group workouts tomorrow morning. There's spinning at the gym at 7:15am, and Outdoor Fitness Camp at 9am, that I might check out.

Weight Bounce

I notice that if I don't do a hard cardio workout one day, I'll weigh a little more the following morning. This isn't due to real weight, but if you're obsessive about weightloss like I am, it makes you think. I know I'll lose weight every week, so I'm not concerned about trying a less maniacal workout schedule. I'm hoping I won't be as hungry, and I'll get better results overall. We'll see what happens for a week.

Seperated Cardio From Stength Workouts

I did my cardio workout this morning, and I did the strength training after work. The trainer convinced me that I'd get more out of my strength training (i.e., put on muscle mass) if I rested after the resistence training. Before I'd do cardio afterwards, and probably burned off a lot of muscle.

The morning workout made me hungry in the day, and I ate more than usual. I'm not sure how much more benefit I get in the day from elevating my metabolism in the morning. I read somewhere that you get 75% of the benefit in the first 1-2 hours following a workout. This means I probably wasn't missing to much by doing cardio at night. But, I think seperating the workouts is good for maximing the beneft of both of them.

Recipe for Ostrich Smoke

Ingredients

1 ground ostrich patty (approx 115g)

Cooking Directions

Use a large skillet (doesn't have to be clean). Place burner on high (all the way). Place ostrich patty in skillet. Walk away, preferrably to another room in the house. Get involved with something on the computer. Keep typing until you smell smoke. Return to kitchen, examine burning patty in skillet. Reduce heat. Pry off burnt patty from skillet, flip. Open windows. Open doors. Try fanning white smoke out of house.

Presentation

Place burnt patty on paper plate. Serve.

Learned A Lot From Trainer Today

I met with the trainer this afternoon, for the BodyGem BMR measurement, the body fat measurements, and the diet/training consultation. It was a 2 hour meeting, I paid $120 USD, and received a long-sleve microfibre training shirt, water bottle, vitamins, a Cliff Bar (which I ate almost immediately upon leaving his office), and a bunch of reports. I learned much more than I expected to. The trainer was very good, not a salesman, but someone very interested in nutrition, exercise, and training. I highly recommend this kind of consultation, because there's no conflict of interest. He's not trying to sell you vitamins, training sessions, software, exercise equipment or anything. He's simply a consultant to help you get in shape. It's his passion.

There are so many things I can change with my training program, that it'll take some time to soak in. Before I forget, I'll list a few conclusions from the meeting:

• I need to seperate cardio from strength workouts (move to morning)


• I'm possibly undereating


• My BodyGem BMR measurement is 1930 (good)


• I need to incorporate leg resistance training


• I should reduce my saturated fats (replace animal fats with vegetable fats)


• I will aim to lose another 10-15kg of fat


• My body fat goal should be 11-15% (much lower than I thought)


• My current body fat is 25-29% (scale measurements probably accurate for now)


• I need to take an essential fats (Omega-3) capsule with every meal


• I need to take a daily vitamin


• I need to eventually move to free weights


• I should limit strength workouts to < 60 min


• I should limit rest intervals to < 60 sec between reps


• I should eat leaner cuts of beef (no more top sirloin)

And there's more things to optimize, but I'll focus on the above in the next weeks. I won't be afraid to eat more, since my restricting and cardio workouts are probably inhibiting muscle growth.

The BMR measurement was pretty interesting. You breath through this device for about 7 minutes, and it's measuring something (CO2?) to figure out your metabolism. He said my 1930 was very good, since some people have much lower metabolisms. Women measure more in the 1200 range, and some men measure down in the 1600's. He said his was up at 2500 when he had more muscle 6 months ago, before cutting down his size for summer. It's a pretty cool device.

85.2 kg

Hit a new low this morning following a post-rest day. I'm sure it helps I didn't pig out like on last week's rest day, when my weight popped up .6kg the following morning. This is encouraging, since it means that I don't have to kill myself in the gym each night to get a good weight the next morning. Of course, I did eat under my BMR yesterday, which is probably a requirement. But, I'm not that hungry on rest days, unless I've been burning myself out in the gym the whole week.

Tastes Like Beef

Suprisingly, ostrich doesn't taste like chicken at all. It tastes like beef. I'm not sure what "tastes like chicken", other than chicken. I think people just have an inability to describe tastes. On the other hand, all the exotic meats I've tried lately tastes like beef. Buffalo tastes like beef. Ostrich tastes more like beef than buffalo does. I'm still not clear on venison, since I only had some bad sausage. But, if I were to describe the chicken sausage I've been eating lately, I'd have to say it tastes like sausage. Good pork chops, though, are very succulent. Anyway, I doubt that many things taste like chicken. Chicken fat has a very distinctive taste.

Anyway, the ostrich is very good. It's lean and just mildly gamey, if at all. It's a light burger. I'll definitely buy it again.

Tomorrow I'm going to get the BodyGem BMR and body fat % testing. I want a more accurate measurement of body fat, and I'll get a consulation on what my long term goals should be. I'll also get some other pointers from the trainer / nutritionist. Should be interesting.

Crowded Elevator

I rode an unusually crowded elevator from the garage to the office this morning. The elevator was acting up, so it was one of those rare moments in life when people talk to each other in an elevator. And of course, it was just people exaggerating about how screwed up the elevators in the building are. I guess we demonstrate to others how important|cool|mistreated we are when the elevators don't operate at our at our beck and call. Anyway, it's crowded, so people can't press their own buttons and thus avoid talking to others. People are quickly calling out floors in succession, before the elevator starts moving. "Can you press 6 please?". "Can you press 4 please?". There's almost human interaction. But, more than that, this reminds me of a crowded roulette table where people are trying to get their bets down before the ball is released. "22 black please."

More Metrics

I went to a new (for me) spinning class tonight, where the instructor was very nice, and very cool. I did my strength workout before the class, and took the time to warm up very extensively on the bike before the actual class started. I know I look overweight (still have 10kg to go before I'm normal), but I clearly have the best endurance and power in the class. My form on the straights is the best too.

Anyway, I talked to the instructor after class. She's petite, vegan thin, and has a six-pack. She wears a 1/2 top in class, and she's wonderful, all smiles and sunshine. I wonder if there's a trick to being so wonderful. I need to follow her example. So I tell her thanks, good class (the typical stuff), and say I'm still losing weight, and can't wait until I'm in shape. She's very interested, because it turns out she's a nutritionist. What a dreamgirl! Anyway, we talk about weightloss, diets, etc. She mentions I could measure BMR with the BodyGem device, and says I could try it out, even though I'm losing weight on my own. I'm sure the BMR measurements are important when someone claims they're working out like mad, eating very little, but not losing weight. I've already proved that when you're accurate about food (to the gram), you lose weight, without any uncertainty. But, I'm pretty interested anyway. I'll see if they also measure body fat. It'd be fun to talk to a trainer. The basic BodyGem measurement is about $50, and a consultation might cost about $100. I'll look into it.

I Should Have My Head Examined

for thinking about having my head examined. I called up my insurance company, and found my PPO plan covers pretty much any psychologist or psychiatrist that I want to see. So, they sent me a list of "professionals" in my area, and I started calling them up. Yes, I'm naturally skeptical of the whole idea of talking to someone about my depression, but since it dominatess my life to such an obvious extent, I thought, what the heck, I'll give it a try.

So, I start calling numbers, expecting to talk to a person. Wrong. All of the numbers go to voicemail, even if it's a multiple doctor practice. It's like these people are independent contractors, and they need to keep very lean, in terms of overhead. Ok, maybe I'm pessimistic, but I took that as a bad sign. So I start going down the list, and leave messages on all the machines. Maybe I called 6 or 7 of them. Ok, so I get the first callback during the workday. This doctor says something about not taking on new patients. Okay, no big deal, I'll wait to hear from the others. I get back from the gym and shopping at about 8:30, and I get a call on the cellphone. That's pretty prompt, it makes sense, if they're looking for patients. So this doctor asks what I'm looking for, I tell her about my depression and seclusion. She says, sure, I understand. What insurance do I have? I log into the VPN, read her the e-mail from my insurance company, and she's pleased that I have the good insurance. Next, she asks if I have suicidal thoughts. I say, sure, but not the rash kind, just vague future plans about it. I ask her rhetorically if it isn't a logical conclusion, since I feel things are hopeless. She says sure, suicide is associated with hopelessness. I also tell her I'm not on meds, and I'm not interested in taking any. I start picking up from her voice that there's a problem. She's starting to hedge her statements, and I get the feeling she's losing interest. I wonder if it's the talk of suicide. Does it alarm her? I ask her if suicide is some sort of 'threshold' question (which it must be). She starts to tell me she doesn't specialize in this area, and she'd only take me on if I started taking meds.

Ok, here's where my cynicism kicks in. I can tell by her voice she's very formulaic about this whole process. She isn't concerned about me as a person. I get no hint of concern in her voice. We're negotiating, that's all. We're talking about me in the 3rd person. She says things like "absolutely". Well, ok, I did pick up some concern in her voice about my insurance. She explains that some types of insurance limit the number of visits to like 10 or something. That's why I log into the VPN to read her my e-mail verbatim about pre-authorization, and if there's any limitations on treatment. After I allayed her fears about the insurance, we continued. But when I said I wasn't interested in the meds, she became concerned again. She gives me the explanation that Mood Disorders are "not her specialty". I guess normal people are her specialty. Her thing is to do therapy on drugs, because she needs people to open up. Like I need drugs to be open. I'm blogging all of this for christ's sake. Ok, I ask her if she can give me a referral. No, she doesn't know anyone in this area of Mood Disorders. Really? What category of doctors is this under, in the provider guide? She says 'Clinical Psychology'. Ok, if she doesn't know anyone that helps people with Mood Disorders, can I run by some names that I have? I read off all the names in the area. She doesn't know anyone. Ok, well she hopes I can find help. Ok, that resolved, she happily gets off the line.

Ok, what was my problem? Was I too forthcoming with my info? Should I have told her something else? Maybe suicide is a threshold issue, and people don't want to handle it for liability issues. Probably. Or maybe most psychologists only want to prescribe meds. I guess if I were just looking to max out on patients with a high probability of payment, knew I couldn't help anyone, and just wanted to pay my bills, I'd want to do that too. I have a feeling most doctors want to prescribe meds. If they were incentivised to write presciptions, wouldn't we have heard about it? I'll have to look it up.

While I was on the phone, another doctor called to leave a message. She wasn't taking any new patients, but I should call back in a few weeks, and see it some openings were available. I liked the sound of her voice more, and she seemed a little more sincere. Maybe I'll try her in a few weeks. It'll give me time to lose another few kilograms, and my outlook might be better. I might not say the trigger word. But I should check if she works with patients who prefer not to take meds.

85.4kg @ 26.0% BF

This is a new low combination for the morning weigh-in. Everything points to the fact that all the weight I've lost is fat. That's 4.6 kg of fat (10 lbs). Think of what that looks like in a pile. (For a mental exercise, gather together 10 lbs of chicken fat, beef fat, chicken skin, etc. See how big of a pile it makes. Then, insert it into your body.)

I still have a ways to go. I can't wait until I lose another 5 kg. But, it'll take another 6 weeks. Argh. Weightloss is easy, except for the fact that it takes time. I bet you don't even have to exercise, but just eat right. Especially if you walk around during the day, or otherwise aren't sedentary.

This blog and accompanying precise calorie log shows weightloss isn't anything mysterious. It'll be interesting once I hit 75kg, my "ideal" weight, because I might not switch to a maintanence amount of calories (ever). So, I should at that point be starving myself, i.e., once I run out of fat to burn. Well, that'll be interesting.

Sitting Down To Watch Super-Size Me

I guess I'll "live" blog while I'm watching.

+23 min -- Morgan orders a super-size double-cheeseburger meal. Those fries are huge (about 600 calories), and the sandwich has about 850 calories. The insane drink probably has another 600 calories. So this is about 2000 calories. He makes a big deal about how hard it is to eat all the food. They elapse 22 minutes with him in the car. I don't know about you, but I could finish that off in a few minutes. Then I'd want something more. Geez, he just vomited it up.

+34 min -- More good documentary stuff on the increasing obesity in children. Interviews with a 16 and 14 year old girl who is heavy. She tells the camera she can't afford to eat Subway (like Jared Fogel, who's also in the segment) twice a day. She says she's tried "other ways" to lose weight, that didn't work, and weren't healthy. Now I know what she's talking about. I also have more sympathy for what kids go through these days in our current fast food envirnoment. People need to cook more.

+41 min -- Morgan describes how just after he eats some McDonald's, he wants more. "More, more, more." Exactly. That's how it works.

+42 min -- Introduces the "Big Mac" guy, Don Gorske, who eats about 2 Big Macs every day.

+56 min -- In the section on nutrition in school cafeterias, they show two typical schools that serve fast-food style lunches, heavy on candy and fries and the like. The 3rd school is for at-risk kids, but they utilize a healthy, fresh, whole-grain menu, and have removed the junk food from campus. The school is a success in helping out these "problem" kids, who apparently respond very well to this concept.

+75 min -- Introduces Bruce Howlett, a patient about to undergo gastric bypass surgery, the elective operation of choice recently. This guy drinks 8 litres of soda a day. Sounds like he only drinks sodas. (I drink about 2 litres of diet soda a day, but I also drink about 2 litres of water as well.)

+79 min -- A little over-the-top exaggeration by Morgan. Complains of chest pains, trying to make it dramatic, and to re-introduce the doctors. You're not going to instantly die from fast food. You will get depressed tho.

23.5% Body Fat

New low on the body fat measurement of my Tanita scale. This is based on some kind of resistence measurement, but I've been using the same scale the whole time, so it marks a new low. Compare that to 28.5% BF I measured during the 2nd week of my program. I lost $38 at the casino today, but I killed 6 hours. I talked to a dealer about EDs, and she was kind of ana when she was younger. She has a cousin that's ana now, does the fasting, but ends up binging, and doesn't lose weight.

God, I Love Pork

I bought some center cut pork chops last week, and finally cooked up one with some garlic and salt and pepper. The meat around the bone is soooo good. I had about 165g of meat net off the chop, which works out to be about 440 calories. Not as "filling" as the equivalent 400g of chicken breast, but much better. I licked the plate clean and can't wait till I cook the other one.

I'll probably shower and head off to the casino this afternoon. Maybe I'll have a yogurt first. I'm getting close to 5kg lost, and it's only been around 6 weeks. I really wish I'd started this diet 6 weeks earlier, because I would have enjoyed summer that much more. Once I lose another 5kg (hit 80kg), I'll be one happier camper.

85.4 kg

Hit a new low weight this morning. So, weightloss continues, even though my workout schedule has calmed down a little recently. So my plan is to continue strength training at the normal pace (2 or 3 days on, then 1 day off), but to slow down on the 5-6 times a week, 60 min, 92% MHR workouts. I'll probably only do about 3-4 of those a week, and take 1 or 2 days/week off cardio.

It was fun seeing everyone yesterday, playing with kids, talking to adults. I also saw my parents for the first time in 14 months. I thought my mom was going to cry when she answered the door. Everything was as normal after the first 10 minutes, and it was as if there never was a gap. I caught up on some family news that came as a shock. An unrelated aunt that we were close to when we were kids growing up committed suicide in July. Ever since she and my real aunt split up (over ten years ago), things went downhill. She finally succumbed to the compulsive pessimism, vague hypochondria, and isolation. Her suicide was probably related to the fact that she moved away to a new place 6 months ago, where she didn't really know anyone.

I'm sure some suicides come as a shock to the family. But probably, most don't. We talked about why B. ended her life, and there was agreement on why she was unhappy. As I undestand it, her brother called up our entire family, to tell them the news. B. had sold everything and moved to be near her brother, although they probably hadn't been close their whole adult lives. I'm sure all of this is very hard on their family.

I've already written my suicide note. I told my cousin over the phone that if I were to commit suicide, my note would simply read "self-explanatory". On the other hand, it seems that everyone's advice to me now is to just take a chance and get out in the world.

The Sympathy I Get

You may or may not know I've been a recluse for quite a while now. I haven't seen my parents in over a year, even though they live a few kilometers away. I haven't seen my brother or sister in probably two years, nor any relatives. I haven't seen some friends in town for over 3 years. So people are pretty convinced I need help. I will talk to my parents on the phone, and try to explain how I feel. I know my situation has made my parents very concerned and it's caused my mother a lot of pain. I think she understands why I'm this way, but she just wants me to visit. Some relatives who don't understand think my problem will be cured by Prozium. Of course, I'm skeptical of these psycho-pharmacuetical therapies, and it should be very clear what my problem is. But, I don't think there's a DSM diagnosis for loniless and (hurt) pride. Still, I'm not ruling out that the drugs might cure it.

So anyway, I call my sister out of the blue a few minutes ago, and I get the warm hello that sounds exactly like the scene in a movie when the patient calls up the doctor waiting with the straight-jacket and butterfly net. She's nice, and listens, etc. I try to explain I'm not nuts. More patient listening and sympathy. I've never had a conversation like this with my sister before. Usually, she was the one seeing therapists, and (I've heard) taking the meds. Well, I guess she who laffs last ...

I did 60 min of stairmaster @ 250W today, a new level for me. I expected to get into spinning based on last weeks attendence of 1/3 full, but today was insane in the gym. Last weekend, it was dead. Today, kickboxing classes, step, blasting music, wait lists for spinning, waits for the eliptical trainers. It turns out that last weekend was a fluke, due to Gay Pride weekend. Anyway, I powered through the workout, and made it worth my while.

I'm headed to a picnic to see friends I haven't seen in quite a while. I'll probably go to my parents afterwards. I'll book some time with a therapists if I can find one.

Super-Size Me

I caught the last 1/2 of Super-Size Me, and since Morgan Spurlock didn't look horrible at this point, I was able to enjoy the movie. Good stuff. He actually caused McDonald's to change their menu and offer healthy options, and to discontinue the Super-Size option.

The epilogue scroll said it took him 5 months to lose 20 lbs after the experiment, and another 9 months to lose the last 4 1/2 lbs to his original weight. Sounds like he didn't get very extreme trying to lose back the weight. So now I don't feel so nutty for the 2-a-day workouts and the weigh-all-food-to-the-gram obsession.

I made the gym tonight, and did the full strength training session, but only did 40 min of cardio at 85% MHR. In other words, I looked like a normal person on the stairmaster and the treadmill. This 20 min jog @ 3% incline and 7.7 km/h only raised my heartrate to 85% max. I didn't breath hard, or sweat much. Still, it's the first time I've run in a very long time.

I noticed I didn't get very hungry after the workout. I ate a total of 1700 calories today, and I'm not hungry now. Hopefully, I can get to sleep soon, and make spinning tomorrow morning. So I'll only go nuts on cardio 3 times a week, and do 85% MHR on the other 3 days.

I measured my blood pressure and heartrate on the public machine at Rite-Aid. I was 110/70 and 51 bpm.

The Fat Of The Land

I just read an interview with Michael Fumento author of Fat Of The Land. There's a couple great insights in the interview.

Ground Buffalo Tastes Great

I just made a hamburger from 150g ground buffalo with onions, and boy is it good! I highly recommend it. The stuff I bought has enough fat to taste good, and has about 1.7 cal/g, which is similar to 10% fat ground beef. That's the best burger I've had in a long time. I think there's just more flavour to it than ground beef. Probably the quality is higher too. Better than steak.

Did spinning and strength tonight. Had to buy a dry shirt before starting the strength session. I notice I'm a maniac in spinning, the only guy drenched and drinking 1.2 litres of water during the class. I'm setting the resistance higher than everyone else, especially during the climbs and sprints. I'm sure I look like a lunatic. I'm starting to worry about it. Well, I can act like a reasonable human being when I lose the weight. Or I can start early.

Binged Yesterday

I felt tired yesterday, and decided to skip the gym, and instead sat on the couch and ate a bunch of food for dinner. Then, I went to bed very early and finally caught up on about 9 hours of sleep. I still kept track of what I ate, just to see what it totaled up to. I had 150g skirt steak + 75g corn + 80g corn tortilla + 50g green pepper + 80g avocado + 170g pita bread + 150g sausage + 250g grapefruit = 1540 calories. I guess there wasn't any bad food in there, just a lot of it. And no exercise. But I probably needed to catch up on the rest.

So, this morning, I move the scales back up to 86.4 kg. Of course, I didn't instantly gain .6 kg, and it'll move down in the next few days. I'm still hungry though, which tells me I didn't over-do it. I know I've gotten enough sleep, but I'm still not rearing to go back to the gym just yet. I still feel sore around the collar bone. I'll probably make spinning tonight.

The Spinning Instructor Might be Straight Anorexic

I talked to the spinning instructor after class last night, to tell him I'm getting back into shape, after lying on the couch for 2 years. He asked me how many times I was doing spinning, and I said 3 times a week. He said he did 5 times a week when he was trying to lose weight. Apparently, he fractured something in his kick-boxing class, and the doctors told him to stay off it for a month. He said he gained 10 lbs, and finally just had to break doctor's orders, and get back to spinning. He also went back to teaching the kick-boxing class, where the unhealed injury is bothering him. Then the doctors say it may take 6 months to heal now, so he's kind of messed himself over. Sure, it's hard to be told to take a month off aerobic exercise. What would I do? I guess I'd continue strength training, and eat less. Probably wouldn't gain any weight, and in fact I'd still make progress.

I only had 2010 calories yesterday, and I went to sleep hungry. It's not pleasant. I ended up having a bad dream, and although I slept for 8 hours, I felt tired when waking up. I still weighed-in at yesterday's 85.8 kg, but at a lower body fat, earlier in the morning. I probably would have felt much better having another 100 calories, like a grapefruit. I probably won't restrict again like that. I think the term restricting in ED circles means to limit yourself to calories while you're hungry. I don't think I'll do that anymore. However, I'll chose good things to eat, like I've been doing for the last 6 weeks.

This morning I had 120g eggs (2), 24g pita w/ 40g humus, and 82g sausage for a total of 410 calories. I feel better, but not really full.

Restricting Tonight

At the end of the day, instead of topping off on calories, I'm now trying to maximize the daily deficit, to speed up weightloss. For example, today I'm at 1880 calories, and probably did a 1000 calorie workout, so my deficit might be around 1500 calories. At this point, every 100 calories of deficit is worth about 10g of fat. Since my goal is to lose 100g of fat a day, I'd really benefit from skipping those extra 100 or 200 calories at the end of the day. So, I'm trying to starve myself. Maybe a better definition for starving is when your body has to burn muscle to keep alive. Ok, I'll go with that. Currently, I'm eating very well, and probably had at least 7 meals today. Well, I guess I haven't had any fruit today (damn those protein/granola bars), so I'll probably have some canteloupe. I consider this restricting, because it'd be much easier to top off calories on the couch while watching tv. So I'm suffering by limiting myself to canteloupe, and 1950 calories. Oh the humanity.

1/2 Rest Day

I've done 3 strength days in a row, and I was starting to feel some stress in the muscles, so it's time for a 1/2 day off today. I'll probably still head into the gym, and either do a spinning workout, or go walk somewhere (like the casino). I'll probably just do spinning.

I weighed in again at 85.8 kg this morning, which is all part of the steady, even weightloss progress. 4.2 kg down, 10.8 kg left to go. Of course, I won't be at all self-conscious after losing another 5 kg, which should be in 6 weeks. I hope some hotel still has a pool open by then.

I can't believe I'm only now realizing that chicken has 1/2 the calories of beef, by weight. Both have the same amount of protein, but beef contains a lot of fat. Of course, it depends which cut of beef you choose, but the better cuts of meat have the most fat. I'm starting to care, because I'd rather have chicken, and save the remaining calories for carbs like fruit, yogurt, or whole grains. I know the body needs fat, but I can also get it from nuts, or avocados, or something. I'm sure vegetable fats are much better for you than animal fats.

85.8 kg

New low weigh-in this morning. I'm starting to believe that walking is the best thing, instead of sitting on the couch after my 2 hr workouts. I went to the casino again last night, and played in a $1/$3 No-Limit Hold'Em game. I bought in for $160, and built it up to $220. Then, I got bled down back to $200 because I wasn't willing to risk my chips (played too passively). On the last hand, a kid in front of me opens for a raise to $12. I have pocket kings (KK), and raise to $25, trying to clear the field. I get it heads up. Flop is QQX. He checks to me, but I'm suspicious. I want to make a bet at the pot, to see if I can't get him to lay down immediately. The pot is $50, and I bet $60. He comes over the top all in. I show him KK and fold. He shows me AQ. Of course. I guess I bet the right amount, but I had a bad feeling about the hand. Maybe I did the right thing. Anyways, I left with $115, a loss of $45. Argh. I went walking around the casino, mutterting to myself, like the rest of these mopes, past 10pm on a Sunday night. I kept walking until I could calm down from the loss. I put a dollar in a $.25 Deuces Wild game, and built it up to $2.25. I was hoping to hit 4-of-a-kind or something, but it just kind of hung around there. I cashed out at $1.75, and waited in line at the cage for about 5 minutes to cash out my ticket. I told the girl I wanted all large bills. She smiled. I went to the gift store, milled around, saw some imprinted product mugs, and bought them. I walked around the casino with my little bag like a tourist for a little longer. I think I'll be there every night this week.

Atkin's Nutritionals Files Bankruptcy

One of the most popular diet fads in American history, the company founded by Robert Aktins is filing for bankruptcy. Gee, I wonder why? Who could put up with a diet like that? Seriously, people were limiting themselves to like 25g (100 cal) of carbs per day. Remember the pork rinds? Burgers served without the bun? Freaking morons. I need to set up my llama meat diet company. First, I need to order the llama meat. I have a completely empty freezer. I'll get on it in the morning.

Gary Busey Is Fasting

I guess that makes him pro-ana. He kicked butt on Celeb Fit Club 2 this week, losing 8 lbs. I'm not sure if this is over a two week period. I doubt it's over 1 week, since it's pretty impossible to do this. I also think that losing 8 lbs over two weeks is impossible too. Anyway, when asked by the panel how he was successful, he carefully plugged the sponsor's frozen meals, then he let out that he was fasting for two days in a row. Amazing that people can do this. Of course the panel of nutritionists and psychologists just encourage his statements. Let's confuse America some more! Eating disorders for everyone!