85.4 kg

Hit a new low weight this morning. So, weightloss continues, even though my workout schedule has calmed down a little recently. So my plan is to continue strength training at the normal pace (2 or 3 days on, then 1 day off), but to slow down on the 5-6 times a week, 60 min, 92% MHR workouts. I'll probably only do about 3-4 of those a week, and take 1 or 2 days/week off cardio.

It was fun seeing everyone yesterday, playing with kids, talking to adults. I also saw my parents for the first time in 14 months. I thought my mom was going to cry when she answered the door. Everything was as normal after the first 10 minutes, and it was as if there never was a gap. I caught up on some family news that came as a shock. An unrelated aunt that we were close to when we were kids growing up committed suicide in July. Ever since she and my real aunt split up (over ten years ago), things went downhill. She finally succumbed to the compulsive pessimism, vague hypochondria, and isolation. Her suicide was probably related to the fact that she moved away to a new place 6 months ago, where she didn't really know anyone.

I'm sure some suicides come as a shock to the family. But probably, most don't. We talked about why B. ended her life, and there was agreement on why she was unhappy. As I undestand it, her brother called up our entire family, to tell them the news. B. had sold everything and moved to be near her brother, although they probably hadn't been close their whole adult lives. I'm sure all of this is very hard on their family.

I've already written my suicide note. I told my cousin over the phone that if I were to commit suicide, my note would simply read "self-explanatory". On the other hand, it seems that everyone's advice to me now is to just take a chance and get out in the world.